So, remember at the very beginning of this blog when I said that I would be writing on it everyday? Yeah, well, I lied. For the past 22 days of NOT writing on my blog, I was actually...LIVING!! I went on play dates with my daughter, took her swimming with my husband, and truly enjoyed being a mother who can stay at home, and focus on raising my beautiful, sweet daughter. So, after all of these great days of being with my family and not documenting about it online, I decided to write an entry about a few things that I am grateful for in my life. So, for those of you that are reading this, I hope that you're not bored and can be inspired to write down the great reasons as to why your life is awesome.
#1: My Family-
I have the best husband and daughter in the entire world. When we're all together, my husband and I have a great time watching our little girl's personality coming out in such entertaining ways. Being with these two, I am finally seeing why God's plan for a family is such a wonderful blessing, and completely necessary to move through the ups and downs of this life.
#2: My Health-
The best/worst thing for me is having access to Facebook. I love to hear about the good news of friends and families, but it breaks my heart when I read about the sad things that my friends and other close ones go through. I have so many friends that are fighting for their lives with poor health on a daily basis, and death seems to be on the doorstep of others. Having lost many loved ones at a young age myself, I am very familiar with the how it feels to be staring mortality in the face. Even though I have had my own share of health issues, I am grateful for the ones that have not found me, and my family. I am grateful that my daughter and husband are also healthy, so that we can enjoy the best things in life.
#3: My Testimony-
I can still recall with perfect clarity how I felt when I prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was true the first time I read it all of the way through. It was during my first summer in Switzerland, and I can still remember how it felt when the Spirit told me that it was true. Since that moment, my testimony has been tested and strengthened throughout the many different experiences that I have had in my life. And if my life were to end today, I am happy to say that every experience that I have had, I look back now and realize that it was for my own good, regardless of what happened. Now, when I go through a new challenge or difficulty, I know that I won't feel that grateful, but I do realize now that at some point afterwards, I will look back and realize that things that happen in this life, whether good or bad, are exactly what I need to make me who I am.
In short, I am happy that I'm me, even though I could lose more weight, finish a project, or get a book published, I find fulfillment in the things that are good in life, and in me, and I hope that you realize the same with you.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Motherhood Thought #2-Facts and Myths
The entire reason that I decided to start a blog, was mostly to write about my experiences as a mother. Since I am only one of the few people that I know will be completely honest about "the unspoken truths" regarding this topic, I will post what I am really experiencing as a mom.
As my mom would say, every mother's birthing stories are like their "badges of courage". They are war tales, sharing of 'scars', and in a way, a braggart's way of showing that a woman can do something unimaginably difficult and live to tell the tale. So, even though my birth story is pretty interesting (at least I find it that way), I would like to talk in generalities for a moment.
So, your water broke, or you're scheduled to be induced, or in some other way, you find yourself headed to the hospital for the big moment. You get changed into a hospital gown, get settled into your bed, and then the real fun begins. For me, since I had gestational diabetes, I had an IV of insulin going through me the entire time. But, in addition to that, I had more tubes and wires up the yin yang, that it actually made me wonder how and when the baby was ready to come, would it even be possible to have her come out?
Then, there's the question of how long can you go without some sort of pain relief? If you're dilated to a four and contractions are starting to make your eyes cross and the anesthesiologist is super busy, how long should you wait before you give in? For me, it was fairly early, but after just three short hours of painless bliss (and a much needed nap), my epidural didn't even hang around long enough to help me to full dilation. And so, I did all of the fun parts "au natural". It was fun.
Now, here's the part that makes me laugh. Just yesterday evening, I watched the episode of "Bones" where Brennan has her baby. There she is, having an intellectual conversation with her partner while in hard labor (doesn't happen, as your oxygen mask limits any sort of verbal anything, let alone anything intelligent), pushing out a baby (her first!!) in just a few minutes, and screaming as she does this all (screaming is IMPOSSIBLE). An incomprehensibly short period of time passes when her and her partner come home to friends and family celebrating the new arrival, and Brennan looks like she just went for a jog in the park. No hunching over, no hobbling in like an old witch from one of Grimm's Fairy Tales. No total fear of going to the bathroom for the first time after the big event. It was like she just got up one morning, decided to poop out a watermelon, and continue on with her life. Yeah, it's NOT REAL.
What is real, is that even though your birth story may be eventful/uneventful, it is yours forever. Maybe to some it may seem boring or "not as cool as their experiences", but it's something you can own, and something that you can claim as one of the most "spiritual experience" you will ever have in your life.
Now, what's the craziest thing that I ever learned after giving birth to my daughter? Ironically, the fact that I pushed her out of my body, was not the hardest part of mommyhood. For me, to date, the hardest part for me, was going without sleep for a LONG time after we brought our little bundle of joy home. I remember taking her to her doctor's appointment at her one month mark, and expecting, praying, hoping for the pediatrician to give me a magical drug or method of teaching my child how to sleep through the night, so that I could actually come back to the land of the living. To my utmost dismay, he was of little to no help. He mumbled something about how it was normal to go without sleep, and that one day, the baby would start to get her nights and days in the correct order, and I would be excited when I would get more than four consecutive hours. Eventually, after several more months, I was able to have a "deep sleep" of four hours in a row, and it was the most blissful sleep I'd ever had.
I could go off for hours and hours about how hard it was for me to function over the first six to eight months of my daughter's life, and even though my daughter will be two and a half in May, the sleepless nights of her beginning days still haunt me. But, just like every time that I'm "getting real" about what Motherhood is really like, I always end each rant and rave with my own conclusion, and it is the following: "The greatest thing ever in my life is my child. I would never ever want to give her back. It's just the day to day maintenance and the giving up of my selfishness that's the real struggle." Your life is no longer your own, and it still surprises me that I even try to put myself first sometimes and it completely backfires. My life is about my daughter right now, and you know what? I'm totally okay with that.
As my mom would say, every mother's birthing stories are like their "badges of courage". They are war tales, sharing of 'scars', and in a way, a braggart's way of showing that a woman can do something unimaginably difficult and live to tell the tale. So, even though my birth story is pretty interesting (at least I find it that way), I would like to talk in generalities for a moment.
So, your water broke, or you're scheduled to be induced, or in some other way, you find yourself headed to the hospital for the big moment. You get changed into a hospital gown, get settled into your bed, and then the real fun begins. For me, since I had gestational diabetes, I had an IV of insulin going through me the entire time. But, in addition to that, I had more tubes and wires up the yin yang, that it actually made me wonder how and when the baby was ready to come, would it even be possible to have her come out?
Then, there's the question of how long can you go without some sort of pain relief? If you're dilated to a four and contractions are starting to make your eyes cross and the anesthesiologist is super busy, how long should you wait before you give in? For me, it was fairly early, but after just three short hours of painless bliss (and a much needed nap), my epidural didn't even hang around long enough to help me to full dilation. And so, I did all of the fun parts "au natural". It was fun.
Now, here's the part that makes me laugh. Just yesterday evening, I watched the episode of "Bones" where Brennan has her baby. There she is, having an intellectual conversation with her partner while in hard labor (doesn't happen, as your oxygen mask limits any sort of verbal anything, let alone anything intelligent), pushing out a baby (her first!!) in just a few minutes, and screaming as she does this all (screaming is IMPOSSIBLE). An incomprehensibly short period of time passes when her and her partner come home to friends and family celebrating the new arrival, and Brennan looks like she just went for a jog in the park. No hunching over, no hobbling in like an old witch from one of Grimm's Fairy Tales. No total fear of going to the bathroom for the first time after the big event. It was like she just got up one morning, decided to poop out a watermelon, and continue on with her life. Yeah, it's NOT REAL.
What is real, is that even though your birth story may be eventful/uneventful, it is yours forever. Maybe to some it may seem boring or "not as cool as their experiences", but it's something you can own, and something that you can claim as one of the most "spiritual experience" you will ever have in your life.
Now, what's the craziest thing that I ever learned after giving birth to my daughter? Ironically, the fact that I pushed her out of my body, was not the hardest part of mommyhood. For me, to date, the hardest part for me, was going without sleep for a LONG time after we brought our little bundle of joy home. I remember taking her to her doctor's appointment at her one month mark, and expecting, praying, hoping for the pediatrician to give me a magical drug or method of teaching my child how to sleep through the night, so that I could actually come back to the land of the living. To my utmost dismay, he was of little to no help. He mumbled something about how it was normal to go without sleep, and that one day, the baby would start to get her nights and days in the correct order, and I would be excited when I would get more than four consecutive hours. Eventually, after several more months, I was able to have a "deep sleep" of four hours in a row, and it was the most blissful sleep I'd ever had.
I could go off for hours and hours about how hard it was for me to function over the first six to eight months of my daughter's life, and even though my daughter will be two and a half in May, the sleepless nights of her beginning days still haunt me. But, just like every time that I'm "getting real" about what Motherhood is really like, I always end each rant and rave with my own conclusion, and it is the following: "The greatest thing ever in my life is my child. I would never ever want to give her back. It's just the day to day maintenance and the giving up of my selfishness that's the real struggle." Your life is no longer your own, and it still surprises me that I even try to put myself first sometimes and it completely backfires. My life is about my daughter right now, and you know what? I'm totally okay with that.
Monday, April 2, 2012
General Conference Weekend 2012
This past weekend was MARVELOUS. Sitting at home in my pajamas, eating delicious food all while watching church on television. How bad could that be? In years past, when I was younger, I have to admit that I was not a fan of the biannual televised church meetings. Sitting for hours at a time, listening to a TON of speakers lost its appeal quickly for me. And most of the time, I would find myself falling asleep, and waking up during the last speaker, thankful that I could go and do something, anything else once the sessions were over.
And now, I have completely changed. Not only do I enjoy every minute of every session, but the moment that it's over, I instantly long for the next time, where I can feel uplifted and inspired. I also love the feeling of hope and happiness that I feel in listening to the words of those that know better what's happening with the current affairs of the world. My thought is if the Prophet says that there is much good in the world today, then I should continue to have faith in humanity, and focus on the positives.
I also love to spend time with family, and on occasion, some great friends from my past. This past weekend, I was able to have dinner with one of my former Mission Presidents. He was in town for Conference, and though it was great to see him and catch up on things, what happened afterwards was wonderful. The exchange opened up the flood of memories I'd had as a missionary, and had me reflecting back on that spiritual time in my life. I realized how much I have grown and changed since I went to Brazil back in 2000, and noticed with happiness how much stronger my testimony has strengthened since leaving for the MTC 12 years ago. Though I am not perfect, it is nice to occasionally see signs of growth and development that I have made in my life.
I am grateful for the choices I have made that have led me up to this time in my life. Though I could be skinnier, wealthier and more ambitious, I would not change anything in my life, especially in choosing to marry my sweet hubby, and having my beautiful baby girl.
And now, I have completely changed. Not only do I enjoy every minute of every session, but the moment that it's over, I instantly long for the next time, where I can feel uplifted and inspired. I also love the feeling of hope and happiness that I feel in listening to the words of those that know better what's happening with the current affairs of the world. My thought is if the Prophet says that there is much good in the world today, then I should continue to have faith in humanity, and focus on the positives.
I also love to spend time with family, and on occasion, some great friends from my past. This past weekend, I was able to have dinner with one of my former Mission Presidents. He was in town for Conference, and though it was great to see him and catch up on things, what happened afterwards was wonderful. The exchange opened up the flood of memories I'd had as a missionary, and had me reflecting back on that spiritual time in my life. I realized how much I have grown and changed since I went to Brazil back in 2000, and noticed with happiness how much stronger my testimony has strengthened since leaving for the MTC 12 years ago. Though I am not perfect, it is nice to occasionally see signs of growth and development that I have made in my life.
I am grateful for the choices I have made that have led me up to this time in my life. Though I could be skinnier, wealthier and more ambitious, I would not change anything in my life, especially in choosing to marry my sweet hubby, and having my beautiful baby girl.
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